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random thoughts...tahimik kasi (taken from my writings on three pieces of scratch papers) It’s 9:46 in my clock and I find myself alone in the boarding house where me and my colleagues from gma and qtv live. I am writing on a bond paper. I am recently used to pouring out my thoughts in front of a computer and bursting them all out with the use of a keyboard. Now I go the conventional way. The old way. Just like I used to. I just moved in this Thursday. It’s Saturday now. I feel lighthearted. I enjoy the quietness. Just a while ago, when I thought of squeezing my head out and putting everything into writing, a baby (I’m not particular if it’s a boy or a girl) was hysterically crying in the house right next to us. The crying just stopped and all I hear right now is the grumbling of the steel electric fan that one of my housemates own. Anyway, I got home quite early. Very unusual. I was here at 4 in the afternoon. Usually, a very busy hour for a busy Saturday, all crammed up for next week’s airing. I thought of going to the gym to work my ass out, but I thought of giving myself a treat- a rest! I washed my filthy rubber shoes that has been serving me well for nearly two years, took a nap by five, woke up at six, found my self still alone in the house and rose up at six thirty. My friend who’s now living a thousand miles from me just texted, miss na daw niya ako hehe. Thinking how distant we are breaks my hearts but I find comfort in the thought that she is happy to be reunited with her family. I missed what I’m just doing right now. A few moments all by myself. I am used to being alone, depending on myself and the God I believe in. you wouldn’t see Him walking beside me buit I know he’s there. Other than that, there are no other physical being that I totally depend on. I have learned to rely on my self and the inner strength that has developed for years. Maybe I was just brought up this way. And I decided to be this way. This is a very seldom experience that I get in the profession I chose. And so I wouldn’t want to miss the chance of celebrating it. The best way I thought of is to share it and with this writing, I’d be reminded in the future of special moments when life doesn’t seem to be ruled by deadlines and schedule. I feel like living everyday based on the tag line of gma’s defunct reality tv show; “everything is a test, dream, believe, survive!” everything is a test and everyone is a competitor. Once, my former boss from melandjoey said that it is impossible to find a true friend in the place where we work because every single person in the network competes to prove themselves worthy of staying in the company and living the glamour of the company name. I still think of it today. Not that I believe in it 100% but I consider the thought. Sort of rings in my head. I have met many good persons in the industry. Some I trust fully, others, I consider friends with benefits. We, both benefit from a friendship we share. Fair enough. But it’s quite a scare to hear from someone who has been in the industry for only-God-knows-how-long, that in the years he has devoted his life to this job, he hasn’t found a single soul to consider a friend and trust fully. I think maybe he’s tried his best to find that there could be someone, but he found otherwise. Nakakalungkot. I suddenly remember I just turned 24 bout two weeks ago. And friends have made this birthday and the one from the previous year to be really sweet celebrations. Thanks to these friends from the industry, life has had some sweet excitements. I realized the aloneness has hardened me. I’ve gone so many things. Met a lot of people. Did crazy stuff. Ate a lot. But somehow, I feel like there is no direction. That I just live thinking for a week or month a head, a year, the most (usually planning for the youth camp). But nothing serious that would concern my future. Like a career path. I just get the thought sometimes that I am only wasting my life. That I don’t work for a long term job. That I’m as good as my next story. That time flies by so fast and I am really growing old. The scary part of it, I’d be growing old alone. Friends wouldn’t always be there, my parents would be really old and by the time then, they’ll be old enough and hardly hear and recognize me. My only sister would have her own family. And I’d be alone still planning for my next week’s story. Boy, I’d go to sleep now. I’ll be at the church tom. shagged on 5/20/2008 04:02:00 PM Email To God (taken from Manila Bulletin here's the link : http://www.mb.com.ph/archive_pages.php?url=http://www.mb.com.ph/issues/2008/05/20/YTCP20080520124575.html) EMAIL TO GOD Melanie Hoffman The web portal GodTube.com, a Christian version of the wildly successful YouTube site, also offers a digital link to God... WASHINGTON (dpa) -When 28-year-old Trent Paul was seriously injured in a bad accident and hospitalized, his friends spontaneously decided to pray for him. They didn’t go to church, however. Instead they turned to the internet. Specifically, they went to facebook.com where a group called Prayer Chain for Trent Paul formed and within a few days grew to 900 members. "Trent has always been there for us. It’s time we’re there for him. Let’s help him - PRAY!’’, says the group description at the interactive website. "Trent, we believe in you and pray for you! Keep it going!’’ is an example of one friend’s petition posted on the web site. This spiritual effort for Paul is just one example of a new trend in the United States. The number of Americans who make their concerns known to God over the internet is skyrocketing. Websites like facebook.com and myspace.com, along with the websites of churches and religious communities offer a new dimension in faith: pray online. Their growth leaves no doubt that religious internet web sites are booming. Booming More than 23 million people visited a religious website in February, according to a study by the market research firm ComScore. The number represents an increase of 18 per cent over the number of people who visited a religious website in February 2007. The search words "online prayer group" typed into the search engine Google return more than 2 million hits. Facebook.com has more than 500 and myspace.com has more than 1,000 prayer groups that pray for individuals, world peace or for some simple desire. In addition, the websites of numerous churches across the country give believers a chance to make their petitions known and ask others to include them in their prayers. "Online prayer requests are an excellent way for people to help out and for those who need help,’’ said Kathrin Love, assistant director for evangelics, prayer and renewal for the Evangelical- Lutheran Church in America. "Many people are unchurched. But there is still a god, and so they turn to the internet." Love said in 2001 about 800 requests were received monthly. Now the number is about 30,000. The requests for prayers come from all over the world. People want as many fellow believers as possible to notice their prayers or they want to be a part of "something bigger" and discover new paths. The web portal GodTube.com, a Christian version of the wildly successful YouTube site, also offers a digital link to God. GodTube says it has nearly 320,000 members. It offers them the opportunity to share videos and to light virtual candles at the site’s "prayer wall." Even non-Christians can use the site, however, most of the videos have a religious context. An example is a recording submitted by a young man named Coffey, who in the video sings a Christian version of Rihanna’s hit song Umbrella and provides an explanation of the guitar chords. The most popular video available at GodTube shows a four-year-old girl reciting the 23rd Psalm by heart. There is some skepticism about religious life on the digital network. Mike Gilbart-Smith, assistant pastor at a Washington, DC, Baptist church, said general prayer websites might be helpful, but he said they serve only as artificial communities. He feels prayer requests are best kept within congregations. Despite the prayer efforts for Trent Paul, he died of his injuries on March 14, just a few days after his accident. But the prayer group decided not to disband and actually continues to grow. Its members have dedicated the site they set up to pray for him to celebrate his life and share their own stories of the experiences they had with him. shagged on 5/20/2008 03:01:00 PM yoko pa umuwi! I’m still at the office, though I haven’t got enough sleep for the past two days, I decided to stay for a while. I’m still here at the office, I’m not quite sure if I’d like to go home, scared of the feeling I’d get to see a different person opening the door for me, asking how my day was. My friend Richelle left for her hometown in Bicol just a few hours back. We live in the same house, or shall I say, we used to. I decided to stay after a tiring day because I just wanted to blog about this thing and hopefully, Richelle would read this the moment she gets home, her real home. My thoughts are in a chaos, there are so many things that I’d want to say about how I feel and think right now. So bear with me if I appear to be deranged, because I am. Going back, I realized the amazing ability of human emotions to care for someone even though you are not from the same family. Though you did not grow up in the same house and you only spent a few years working together, you still get to feel a deep concern for a each other. It’s like an involuntary responsibility that we have for our so called friends, that we somehow feel the way they feel, and care for them as we care for ourselves. I am deranged and the downheartedness I feel right now makes me cry. I tried really hard not to show her how bad I feel, that she’s leaving, but I just didn’t really wanna see her cry. Seeing her cry makes me feel that’s she’s in some sort of pain and I don’t wanna pain her just because of a childish fear of being left by a friend. She’s still in the bus right now, getting to her place takes 12 hours, but I bet she’s too excited and doesn’t mind the dust and pollution she’ll get in an ordinary bus (puno kasi yung mga air con, pasko ata sa bicol puno lahat hehe) she’ll be reunited with her family and the very special Vanjie. I realized the blessing I had in her, that someone, like I said, though not a family member cared and I assume, loved me as a friend. I didn’t pay her anything mind you, but she stood there with me in troubles and tiredness and would open the door for me at 3:00 in the morning. There are other crazy things I could share, but Chelle, I just wanna let you know that I am thankful for the friendship we have and I do hope that the distance that separates us would not break us but would remind us that in over 6 billion people in the world, we were lucky to find each other and share something really special. Vanjie, you are also part of this, thanks for everything bro. I love you friend and I miss you. (missing you started after you stepped into that bus). shagged on 5/15/2008 10:12:00 PM what a day!!! woohoo woohoo tapos na birthday ko...tanda ko na...i lived 24 years of good life... dito pa ko ofis, pwede naman sana ko magpaalam na dina pumasok. but, i opted to report for work, mahirap matambakan ng gawain, ang isang araw ng pahinga ay katumbas ng santambak na "undone" assignments. kaya naman eto ko inabot na ng may 7 dito sa ofis. actually, maaga sana ako makakauwi (mga 10pm) kung hindi ako nakidnap ng tatlong magagandang chicks nyahaha, magagandang chicks na ubod ng galante! thank you sa chibog at kantahan, wala eh hindi lang rice ng may shortage pati anda. sabi ko nga, sori wala anda, sabi te rea, okay lang may friends ka naman. awwwwwwww kaluka diba? pag di ba naman talaga natunaw ang hard abs ko (asan?) we'll nakapagtabi naman ng ako ng ilang pictures as proof na may iba naman akong ginawa sa aking kaarawan bukod sa mag adik at magtrabaho pero bukas ko na iloload este mamaya na pala. ayoko lang palipasin ang sandali na hindi mai blog at ma-immortalize ang saya ko sa lumipas na araw. at kahapon pa ako inuulan ng text ng mga bumbati, grabe ang sarap kaya ng feeling na madaming nakakaalala ng mahalagang araw na ito sa buhay ko. dahil diyan magpapainom ako.... ng favorite kong c2 Lemon (take note, hindi apple a, lemon!)hinihintay ko lang si jessica tas uwi na kami. ano pa ba malagay? la lang, yung iba naman na recently ko lang nameet eh talagang sinabi ko na na "huy! birthday ko ngayun!" (may kasamang pa sweet na smile at galaw galaw o sway ng katawan left to right right to left, in short pacute) tapos ayun magugulat sila na para bang may malaki silang atraso dahil hindi nila ako binati at kailangan ko pa silang sabihan. ayus lang naman, di naman nila kasalanan na di talaga nila alam na birthday ko. nakakatuwa lang talaga ang mga Pinoy kasi ba parang social responsibility na yung pagbati sa may kaaarawan at pag wish sa kanya ng kung ano anong magagandang bagay kahit pa saglit mo pa lang siyang kakilala (as in mga 3 seconds palang) at guilty na guilty tayo pag nalimot natin iyon. hehe katuwa reaskyon nila. tas napapangiti sila habang sinasabi na "uyyy, hapi bertdeyyyy..." na para bang masayang masaya ka dahil pinanganak ka. ayun lang dito na si jes sabay na kami uwi. thank you Papa God umabot ako ng 24 (sana bigay mo na matagal kong wish, kahit late na bertdey gift) shagged on 5/07/2008 12:28:00 AM